I was told by a friend about a year or so ago to read the book "You Are A Bad Ass".
She told me that when she read it she thought of me and how I would give advice to someone looking for it.
And she was right.
If you haven't read it, read it... but I'm gonna give you one huge lesson I got from that book that really helps me put my own shit into preceptive.
When you start to change, you're old habits/thoughts/patterns they don't like it.
Well I'll tell ya in a second.
In fact, they are very comfy in this dark bed made up of painful yet very fluffy pillows and blankies.
It doesn't want to get up, make the bed, change the sheets, fluff the pillows, even throw down some Febreeze.
It likes it (your old self...), in this bed (habits/thoughts/patterns), and its gonna throw a temper tantrum if you try to get out of it. (And that's just bullshit.)
What is going to throw the tantrum? Your ego. And how is it gonna do it? This is where it gets fun.
When you are in the midst of change, things such as unexpected bills, car problems, shit that's out of your control (getting sick, etc)... it can try to pop up to slow down the process. Things from the outside that help support the old thoughts in your insides.
Then you can start a conversation (aloud or not)... "bad things always happen to me", "I never get a break", "when will this end".
Or... you yourself can start to feel the change and internally, you can start to throw everything at it to make it stop.
You, reading this, can start the old tape, the negative thoughts, the self hatred, the self deprecation, the self judgement, the limiting beliefs and thought patterns... you know all the really horrible negative things you seem to believe for a lot of your life yet there is no evidence to support it.
Or maybe there is....
Maybe someone said something about your nose when you were a kid, or a teacher talked about your learning curve and potential, maybe someone (friend, relative, dude on the bus) said something that really hurt and it stuck and you hold onto all that shit inside and label it, stockpile it up so you can save it as the self hating ammo for moments like this when you decide to step one foot out of the comfy bed of your old shit.
But who said that those things aren't happening for you? I mean clearly right?!
When you are in the midst of change... shit is gonna happen. Because the fucking EGO wants to win. And its a bad ass mother fucker who is used to getting its own way. And its gonna work over time to get back into its comfy painful bed.
Then what do you do?
This is what I call the Push Back.
It wants to push... that's cute, I like to push too. It wants to get its way... still cute, cause so do I. It wants to stay the same... sorry buddy because Mama's on the move.
You are Mama.
Yup... you are the Mama of you.
Imagine a small child throwing a tantrum in a store, and the mother gives into it and buys it the thing it wanted (even if it was bad for them, like candy or soda). What would you honestly say as the spectator?
"Well that's why the kid throws the tantrum because they know their parent will give in."
Same shit is happening inside of you.
Your ego has been throwing a tantrum for a really long ass time, and Mama hasn't told the child No.
Your Push Back, even when you hear the noise get loud... you say No. Your muscle memory is gonna kick in, you might get a wave of bad feelings... you say No. Now your old ways might show themselves in whatever that looks like for you... you see it and say No.
You ever here a No for them is a Yes for you?
Of course you have. So use it. On you.
Start saying No to the thoughts, fears, emotions you do not want to give into or tolerate anymore.
Say Yes to the energy and experience you choose to have in this life you've been given.
Easy? Hell no. But practice.... practice the practice and then practice it some more. See how much you can stretch forward and not have the horrible things that your mind is telling you might happen. Cause 99% of the time... they won't.
Now one more thing that this Push Back can also see.
Dr Joe Dispenza talks about this. (If you haven't heard of him... listen to him... he good.)
When you are in the midst of change... some people will not like this.
Your friends, family, co-workers.... they all may not be throwing a welcome party for the new you in a new era.
In fact... their own ego is now on blast.
Because they have not put the baby in time out.
And they don't like that your baby is behaving.
What do you do?
Unfortunately... sometimes... you gotta push back with your actions, to your loved ones.
Example : I recently had a friend say probably one of the most hurtful things someone has said to me in a minute. I won't say who, when, or what... cause that actually does not matter.
What matters is how I choose to acknowledge that moment.
The ego threw this at me (thanks buddy) cause I recently discovered an old thought process that was buried deep down. It had roots. And none of it was true.
Because I recognized it... the ego sent it back to me in the form of a loving, long time friend.
I.E. Didn't see that shit coming.
I saw it as it happened. I felt it too. The hurt that this could possibly be true. (This old tape/thought process/made up scenario).
Two things happened... one I acknowledge the feeling (actually had a really good cry about it too... the next day not right then and there). Emotions are energy in motion... some people wanna throw it onto someone else. But really its for you to hold space for it (or even a close one you trust) and allow it to run its course.
So if you feel them, you gotta flow them, or else they run you.
Two... I simply said "You're allowed your opinion but I don't see it that way." Which then my friend went on more, to defend their own statement.... which I too again said "I don't see it that way." And added "Possibly you see something I don't, but I haven't received that feedback from anyone else."
I did not want to fight with this person, nor was I going to continue this convo, nor was I going to agree with this person and dishonor myself.
Push back... with ease and grace.
Not name calling, blame, fight starting, self doubting... no no.
Push back... to self or others in the form of something.... with kindness, and firmness.
Easy... NO. But practice. Always.
Believe you deserve to put the child in time out.
Believe that you can grow always, and out grow old habits.
Believe that no one starts an old or new tape in your head.
Believe that you deserve the world, and its so lucky to have you.
All my love to you all,