Before this even begins, I do want you to know that this post is about an actual mirror.
Not a reflection of your own self in others, or even the meaning of looking at yourself long and hard at the one coming back to you... No no, this is about an actual mirror.
Like on a wall.
Riveting shit I know.
But there is a point to this I promise.
When I first got my own place, the amount of screen shots that I had on my phone for home decor was insane.
I knew just about the whole idea of how I wanted things to look.
One main thing was paint.
I grew up in a home that wasn't painted.
The walls were white.
Once I moved into my first apartment with a friend... she went paint crazy.
We had come back from a trip to Miami and her walls were filled with orange and blue colors... white couches and jewel toned accents.
Her bedroom had a white bed, with crisp white curtains.
Not wanting to mess up her flow... I painted my room a cool yellow tone. My furniture was dark, but this was her condo that I was living in (yeah see owned it) and I didn't want to fuck up her whole bright theme.
I like yellow... I even think it was called Honey Pot Yellow. Made me think of Pooh Bear. Made me happy.
And I also was in awe of seeing my good friends personality reflected in her home.
Cut to my first apartment in LA.
The walls were already painted a coffee color. Which I liked. This small amount of warmth made it feel more like a home. Or at least a home I liked.
The apartment also came with cherry wood floors, which in my opinion are gorgeous.
Warm gorgeous colors that made me feel good inside.
But that was a big apartment complex that we lived in, and now we wanted to move into a smaller unit building.
Well then you get white walls. Boring!
My roomie only wanted to paint her room. So I painted mine and the rest of the home was left white.
I loved that home, but just like the one I grew up in, the lack of color made it feel .... blah.
I missed the warmth and character that the other two had given me before.
I was ready for more personality in a home.
When I moved out on my own... I knew what kind of place I wanted. I put it into the universe.
I found it. And I found a whole home again with white walls.
Not happening. I was living alone and this choice to make any room into what I wanted is 100% happening.
I wanted my personality to be thrown up all over it.
Something to know, I've always been attracted to dark rooms.
Smokey bars, old style restaurants, steak houses, night clubs... dark warm colors are my jam.
Black is my jam. My furniture is, or darker in color... my towels are... hell most of my wardrobe is too.
I wanted my home to feel like you were getting a hug from a Seattle sky... you feel me?
I did it. I painted it all what I wanted (unapologetically) dark colors. Grey's and Browns and all what I love.
When I got my place, one thing did come with it and the white walls... a mirror.
It was big and attached to the wall, and was really nice because you could tell someone made it from only wood and it was cheaper then the one at Ikea because its free.
Clean and simple.
But the color... the color was well... not me.
It was stained a lighter pinkish thing. Against my grey wall it didn't look too bad. So I left it.
And it haunted me. This lighter pinky thing.
Even in the middle of one night it did haunt me.
I woke up to the sound of a huge bang.
Hoping someone didn't just break into my home, I came out of my room to realize the bottom piece of the mirror had fallen off.
And because I hated the color, and wanted to change it so bad... I left it.
I left that one piece of wood on the floor for a very very long time. (See how odd that looks just missing a piece. See the pink. See my Swiffer haha.)
This thing I didn't really care for, now looked worse. But I was on a mental mission to "one day" change this mirror into something else, so why fix it now?
The beginning of this year brought about a thing inside of me, on every part of my life... I don't want to "think" about the things I would like or even would like to change/see, I want to "do" the things I would like, or even do the change I want to see.
I knew exactly where to start.... That fucking mirror.
In the middle of my need for change, I was cleaning the fuck out of my home. Small papers, shit hidden in a corner or a closet, it all needed a "home" or the trash.
In one drawer, I found some command strips (the things that tape onto the back of a painting or what not to hang things on the wall).
"Put it on the piece of wood" I thought. Ok, that worked.
Cleaning out my closet... found some old paint from when I painted my home.
"Paint the mirror"... ok, so I did.
It was grey on grey, which did not look good. But it was a start. I had ripped the band aid off this very simple task and started to make a change.
Now I'm looking at it and I have all these ideas.
"It's going to be brown with gold sparkles."
So I go to Home Depot, find the paint I researched... which turns out to be spray paint... get home, taped shit off... then spray it.
It looked so damn cool. (Even if the spray paint got every where and needed a shit ton of cleaning.) But now I put the table back and its a brown table next to a brown mirror and its too much.... brown.
"What if I get some gun metal paint, brush that on top, and then it will tie in the grey and the brown."
Go to a paint store, buy the gun metal... looks awesome.
But it's kinda... blah up close. In the light it looks like 80's sponge painting. Not my jam.
I thought to myself "sit with it a while, maybe it will grow on you"... and the next morning I woke up, looked at it and said "Naw".
"Ok what if we get a gold or a copper and brush that on top of it as well. Make it a little brighter."
Ok go buy that paint.
Now it looks a little rusted which is also cool, but also a little country bumpkin.
Doesn't really fit the motif of the rest of my home.
Again I thought "Sit with it maybe you'll like it."
I went to take a nap, and I couldn't sit still.
My mind went to my phone and I looked back on all my home decor screen shots I had taken of restaurants and hotels and homes that I loved.
And there it was.... the mirror on the grey wall that I wanted for so long... and you know what color it was.... BLACK.
Just plain fucking black.
I knew it! But why didn't I do it?
For years people have told me that I need to fall in love with another color... but truth be told, I love black.
Black is chic and clean and sleek and sexy. Black is beautiful. (Yeah I said that.)
So here I was, throwing on sweat pants, going back to Home Depot for the second time today... got a small sample size of black paint that cost me 3 bucks.
I came home... painted it... and yes, there it is. The mirror I wanted.
So why am I writing all this about a mirror?
Once I came to the conclusion that I wanted my mirror black... which I already knew I wanted in the first place... I had gone through about 4 different colors.
4 different events, 4 different looks, to get back to what I wanted.
This all happened in a weeks time.
I wouldn't settle... I was willing to try... and I was honest about what I didn't like.
Its my home.
I should 100% have it the way I want it.
But for so long, I let this one thing (that was so simple to fix) linger there and make me feel not so good inside when I looked at it.
My home looked unfinished and there fore I felt unfinished.
Yeah all these small simple, even creative and fun, tasks have gotten put off... so I feel off.
Its a simple mirror, but it does come down to "Do you feel like you should live in a home that brings you joy and happiness or do you accept things as they are and just say 'well it is what it is'?"
No more "it is what it is"... not for me.
I mean it is what it is, but it doesn't have to stay that way.
You can change anything you want to .... but sometimes you gotta put in the leg work and try out some stuff and be relentless until you get what you wanted.
And sometimes you know what you want, but you try on other things just to be sure that it is the thing you want... and you come right back to the beginning... but at least now you know. Because you tried.
Not doing is never gonna get anyone anywhere. Not trying, not working for it, not being open to new ideas... you gotta try, work, do, be open.
But once it comes down to it... never settle or accept what it is because you've paid for it, worked for it, tried it, put in so much time... whatever.
Never settle for a brown mirror when you want a black one.
(This is a huge topic for me in my life right now... not settling. I don't think this is anything new, but life is sending the message loud and clear to me right now.)
Get the things you want in your life the way you want them.
Then all of it (all the things that make you happy inside and outside) it will all add up and make you a happier person and enjoy a better quality of life.
Yeah I got all that out of a mirror.
Old Lauren let the ugly color and the bottom piece hang out on the floor.
New Lauren paints that shit the color she wants, and puts it all back in its new home so its pretty for her.
Paint the mirror BLACK!
All my love to you all,