Rise or Run

Of late I've had this crazy feeling... it's the "I don't know what I want to do next?!" feeling.

We ALLLLLL get it from time to time.

It's completely normal, and it's completely NECESSARY if you ever want to truly change up where you're at in life. 

(Totally just had to look up how you spell Necessary... That's a tricky little bitch to spell.)

In life, you're supposed to KNOW.  

"What?" you might ask?

Oh just EVERYTHING you want to do with yourself every second of every moment. And you're supposed to make decisions for yourself in the mist of everything else you have going on. For the You you haven't become yet, in the version of your life that you're in now.

Yeah that's super easy. RIGHT!

(I just rolled my eyes after I re-read all that. Fuck that shit)

Yes great inner thought Lauren.... Fuck that SHIT.

(Say that out loud, it feels great.)

When you really sit down with yourself, do you ever get really honest with yourself?

The "you're exactly where you wanted to be and haven't gotten anything more then you asked for because you didn't know you wanted that yet so how is it supposed to be here now" type of talk... in other words, the REAL TALK you need to have with you. (The one the old wise woman in your soul is begging to give you but you shut her up with a shit ton of stuff and tell her "what do you know" and later she's always right.... kinda like Mom.)

As I look around at my life, I look at everything that I've gotten, attained, retained and acquired (just had to look up how to spell that bitch too), and it's all that I have asked for thus far.

Great. Thank you. I mean that. My life is dope. 

Now new ideas and new thoughts come into your head, and a panic may or may not happen. (Or is this just me? No it's not. I know that silly.)

How can I do that? Do I have the money? Am I too old? Shouldn't I have done that years ago? Where did everyone else start?

What I have learned over the years is "when this shit starts, I get still" (oh yeah you have to do that) and listen/look at what is going on inside.

Its a little bugger called Fear.

Oh yeah, let's talk about that topic... (thanks to my little yogi angel... see I'm listening!... I got this message loud and clear)... 

Fear is either:

-Forget Everything And Run


-Face Everything And Rise

As I stood my still ass body in a hot heated room, looking for any answer to show itself to me (its the motif these days), my instructor gave us this intention. And me, I laughed under my breath and smiled ear to ear.

There it is!

When shit is starting to go down in any area of your life... What do you do?

Do you Run or Rise?

Now running doesn't have to be "lets shove all our shit into a trash bag, throw it in the back seat, take the extra $400 out of the shoe box, burn the evidence and get the fuck out of town" (if you do that, you need more then my blog... you need a good lawyer and I got one).

Running is as easy as "I probably won't ever see that person again so we don't have to talk about it and I'll throw a blanket over that stain and maybe I can get into a new studio so I don't have to see those people and get a new number while I'm at it and I'll take on those extra gigs so I can make more money and I'll get to that later because I am too busy trying to find the perfect filter for this selfie for my Tinder/IG/Facebook."

You see it?

Of course you do... we all do this.

That's the running. I'm going to create such a busy (aka bullshit) life so that I don't have to really think about what I might have to do with this current position I'm at. 

Fuck that's exhausting. 

What's another option. Because I've tried that one for years and I'm in a hamster wheel and I have less and less to show for all the energy and time and money (aka my Fucks) and I'm not happy doing that.

I've talked about the treadmill before. What would happen if you pressed stop, and stepped off?

Whats so "hard" about stopping?

Oh I'll tell you... that's when the voices get louder!

The ones in your head. The Boss Bitch back to claim her thorn.

Here's the best news. It's all bullshit.

The stories, the lies we tell ourselves.

I think one of the main (and only reasons) I like Instagram is because there is a clear decision made every single time you get on there.

I'm a visual person, and it really makes this a black and white decision.

What you may ask?

What I allow in.

It's that simple.

Just as Fear gives you two options, so does most.

Don't complicate it.

Ok back to IG. Why do I like it and how does it prove my own commitment to growth.

I don't look at the shit that I don't want to see. I don't "snoop" or "stalk" the person or persons I don't like. I don't distract myself from the own beauty that is my own life by looking at others who have picked and plucked moments from their own and compare it to my own. 

I do look at people who are moving in directions I like. I do follow people I like (what a concept), I do block people so I too can have a free space where I do not have that person enter into my space. I do love a good positive quote and a recipe to help me through my day.

This is me, it doesn't have to be you.

But for me... part of my Rise (into the unknown space I am creating, yeah that's right... I'm going somewhere I just don't know where yet) is setting up the right tools for myself. 

Aka my mind, body, and spirit. 

Old me would have drank it down, compared, looked at others "succeeding" and do the internal "woe is me" without telling anyone and doing a happy dance of let me help you rise while I run away from the uncertainty inside me. 


One quote I love so much that has been my new mantra:

"If you want to have something you've never had before, You gotta do something you've never done before."

How are you supposed to be somewhere you haven't been yet? And how are you going to get there doing the same ole things?

That main thing here when you "Face Everything And Rise" is you need TRUST.

Trust that you have a purpose, Trust there is a guiding force, Trust that you are amazing, Trust those other experiences are for something, Trust that you have more to give this world then just what you've done before, Trust that inner voice that says "Nope" and keep it moving forward.

You, the body you live in, the mind that powers it all... Your job is to keep it on point so that you are BEYOND prepared to move into the direction your heart desires.

If you know what that direction is, awesome.

If you don't, you're not alone. 

But Don't "Fear Everything And Run"... I dare you... get still, eliminate the chaos/mishegaas/busy-bullshit, Say NO a lot more often and start to "Face Everything And Rise".

You are that dope that you can do this... and you are more then you give yourself credit for.

All my love to you all,