I did something a little banana sandwich last night...
OK... you know how there are people who have like 10 unread emails... and then there are the "other" people...
I was (and trying to correct) being one of the OTHER people. Yeah the person with 30,000 emails, unchecked... lingering on their phone. (Bad I know).
Every time I looked at my phone, that number gave me a feeling. Anxiety anyone?
TIME TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!!!
I stayed up until 3am deleting shit.
And you know it goes into another folder and then that one needs to get cleared out. And now its popped up here but I thought I deleted you already file.
I created this mess and I'm gonna clean it up.
Why was this so important to me? (You know getting rid of my own anxiety around one issue.)
Not only was avoiding cleaning up my own mess (which I've seen A LOT of people around me doing this... so therefore I ask myself where I am doing this as well.... Hello Mirrors!) I was holding onto what? What are you holding onto?
Ok there is the Bath and Body Works sale, the Bed Bath and Beyond coupon, and the Aaron Brothers weekend clearance (which they have every week anyways)... and the old lists from my notes section and the old email, messages, that connect you to something from your past...
Shit. Well... I need this email from 2010? Why don't I want to delete those?
DELETE! Without even thinking more about it.... DELETE!
And another one I forgot about from 2011.... DELETE!!!
Delete, delete, and delete.
All of a sudden, I got it!
Those emails, that number of unread ones and the saved ones... it all feed into a story in my own head. Or lets be honest.... stories.
'I"m not doing enough"... "Look how lazy you are"... "You'll never get all that done"... Blah blah blah.
Delete, delete, and deleted.
Guys do you know how good I slept???????
When I woke up, and I could see only 10 new emails... I was beyond excited. I could read through them and then delete them... and 8 of them I didn't even need to read.
What was the problem before....??????? This is so easy!
Oh was "I" making it hard? Was "I" avoiding something?
Ok cut to a few weeks back, you know... when I puked hahah (If you read my stuff you should know this... if you don't...well... I threw up.) When I purged, and my body knew that it no longer had to carry this "shit" inside of me anymore... that my connection to myself was stronger then a story in my head... I slept like a baby!!!!
14 hours!!! (I'm sure parents wish their babies slept this long haha)
My body was exhausted, as if it had been creating and carrying a child for 9 months and now we just birthed it.
We did create a child and carry it around for months... It's called a story.
So after that moment (the purge haha) a friend of mine came over... She herself trying to get rid of her own stories was listening to some of mine...
Like a good friend taking a moment to see where this was showing up for her too... she offered some advice...
"You know you can block people. I just did."
I looked right at her... What? Block? Thats brillant.
Delete people? (Not from the world, or existence... you know what I mean.) Delete people from my phone?
The purge, the baby I had created (the story), gone... so why do I need to hold onto anything via anything??????
Ok last night it was emails... a few weeks ago it was social media...
Why is that so important?
Like the 30,000 emails that gave me anxiety... so is the feed that runs across my screen every time I open it.
So here we went... unfollow, unfollow, unfollow, block, block, block.... It was like bandaid after bandaid ripped off.
Delete, delete, delete.
Old Story: "What will they think?" "Will this hurt their feelings?" "Will they think I'm emotional?"My Ego was TALKIN a lot of old story as I did this.
I hear ya up there buddy... but my self love and my need to want a happier life is over ruling you.
NEW STORY!!!: "Do they make me happy?" Nope delete.
"Do I even care?" Nope delete. "Does this make me feel good inside?" Nope delete. "Does this person only come around to suck energy out of me?" Yup, delete and blocked.
Omg .... do I only look at things and people I care about? Why didn't I do this before?
The beauty of this... It's helping you clean up your yard (I'll write about that next.)
Your space... It needs to be clean, and open, and happy, and loving... And if you think anyone will have anything to say about you wanting to keep it that way... Flip that shit....
"I'm doing this for you too. When I look at you, or like your photo or pretend, its fake. You nor I deserve that energy. You deserve people supporting you, and I deserve people around who love and lift and support me."
See what anyone would have to say after that?!!!
So now... today... like after the purge day... I am walking around feeling.... calm.
What? Calm.... yeah calm.
The story or stories or their story or their stories are not present anymore. The energy it took to hold onto those things... its being saved up in a energy bank account for better things to come. Like things I actually give a FUCK about.
Doesn't that feel so much better! YES!
When you hold onto shit that you don't need or want or even like... It is helping support a story that you love that helps support a feeling you get from it. Yeah read that again.
If you don't like how you feel... look at the story, say "thanks for playing" and throw it out. And here's the best part... don't give a shit about it. Don't give a shit about the shitty story that is making you feel like shit. And start giving a shit about the better story that then helps created a better quality of life.
Hello 10 emails, and a healthy supported social media feed!!! Is that my time and energy used wisely... omg it is!!!
Clean up your feed and your phone. And block the shit you don't like or want in it so you say to the Uniy "What else you got?!"
Could this mean you love yourself??????
Yeah... delete, delete, delete... and breath again!
All my love to you all,