What Shit are You Eating?
We are gonna start this off saying this... I LOVE FOOD!!! I LOVE EATING. I literally sit in bed and wonder what I'm gonna eat for breakfast... like I love it!
But I had to get real about it. Like real real.
I've known for a while I should write about this... But I want to state that I'm not a nutritionist, I don't shop at Whole Foods on the reg, and I have no idea what muscle is attached to what (I did not pay attention in Anatomy class). And I'm not here to talk about your goals in weight loss or fat loss (I could care less about your weight.)
What I do wanna talk about is food. And your own peace of mind. And your relationship with them both.
The other I do consider these goals to have for myself one day. (Not in a Instagram share kind of way... in a "cook right for myself and enjoy my life" way.)
Read more about my body, learn more about the nutrition it needs, and make a shit ton more money so I can buy bougie food.
(Some of us have to shop at Trader Joe's, Ralph's, Sprouts, and Pavilions cause that's where we at! ........ But yet we have all the money for alcohol anytime.)
Ok here it goes!!!!
I was raised by East Coast people, who have a very American East Coast diet. (And I lived in Vegas, which isn't known as the health capital of the world.)
It's called WHITE SHIT people.
No not my family (Jesus!). I'm talking about the shit they are consuming. If it had a title... it would be "White Shit".
Flour, Dairy, Sugar.... We're talking pizza, pasta, cheeses, breaded cutlets, breads, bagels, hell even the fat in the meats are bright white! (God how much I love all this stuff)
Even our Veggies have a sauce of cheese or butter on them... Because they should always right?
Between my fathers' Italian side and my mother's Jewish food upbringing (German food was in there too... and who doesn't love a dumpling?) I thought the only two places that exist to eat are a Pizza Parlor and a Deli. (If I could only eat at these two places I would.)
What helped support all of this eating for me was the fact that I was a dancer. Moving that much, everyday, and being younger... of course thats cool! I'll even out eat your ass!
And once I started working professionally, afterwards I would be so tired to stop anywhere besides a drive thru... So now we have Del Taco, Wendy's, and McDonalds as our food staples too. Paid by wet one's... no not the wipes, the tips in my fishnets... You're welcome. (I was often too tired to even take my fishnets off... So that happened.)
Here we are, young 20's and these are my eating habits. And I'm a size Zero/2 because you do that much dancing for 6 hours a night, 5 days a week... you can't keep weight on.
ANNNNNNNDDDDD if I wasn't too tired after work... to the club I go where Vodka was Water, and Patron was the "Wellness" shot of the day. (I wasn't paying for it, so why not... I can sleep all day anyways. And I was in my early 20's.... live your life girl!) And the drive thru would stillllll happen... because duh, you need that. (And its delicious... don't lie.)
No one is mad at this lifestyle (If you are you're no fun and a hater... yeah I said that)... In fact, I absolutely love that this was my lifestyle for some time. Its a Passport Stamp of a good fucking time. Its a "yeah I did that" to my kids I'll hopefully have because I didn't 100% ruin my insides hahaha. (Its even a good story now!)
But... What happens when you start to grow up?
I made the decision to stop dancing, and now I don't understand why my clothes are tight, I have no real work out regime, and I think to myself "What's happening?"
I tried going to the regular gym... I hated it... I stopped eating for a while (Limiting my calories per day, and fat content like a fucking psycho... cause I saw some other dancers do that back in the day... real smart)... I saw black spots... Or I would eat one high calorie meal and think "you're not allowed to eat anymore the rest of the day." (stupid)... So Lauren gained some weight.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN CHUNKY!!!! AND I WILL NEVER CALL MYSELF FAT!!!!
(Side note... I do not look at people's bodies ever and label them... I don't care if you're super fit or in your opinion super fat... You are what you are and you are of this Earth and you are beautiful... Do not talk to yourself or someone else that way.... PERIOD!!! Ok that's said... moving on.)
Sooooooooo ..... I DID get softer and rounder... facts are facts. I just did.
And once I decided to move to LA, I felt so out of my comfort zone 100000% (in my environment and my body) that I turned to my eating to comfort my insides.
All of this makes sense right. Yeah. Great.
So then this bad thing happened... I started working out... a lot. I found a Barre studio I love, and yoga studios, and also started back in dance classes. Yay for not going to the gym!!!! (No working out wasn't the bad thing, what it kept me from doing was.)
My body got smaller because I was moving it more (duh) and so I thought "GREAT!". Eating did not have to change.
Processed, Sugar, Carbs, Bread, ya know all the yummy stuff. Del Taco and All!
So then some real shit started happening. Like real.
First my Grandma passed away.... Heart broken I turned to a lot of things for comfort... (food, guys, booze.) Handled it all the wrong ways.
I felt like shit, and I kept making myself feel like more shit. And the shit that was going in my body wasn't helping to move this shit along. So the shit inside kept feeling, ya know... Shitty.
Ok! Let's work out harder!!!!
I can drink till 2am, hit up the drive thru, and then get up by 6:30am, drive to Starbuck to get a sugar and soy huge ass caffeine filled latte, to be to dance by 8am, and then not eat until after I take my barre class at 10:30am. After barre, I'll make a huge breakfast sandwich on sourdough, with american cheese/bacon/eggs... because at this point the hunger, exhaustion, caffeine, and booze needs to be helped out. And I won't eat again for the rest of the day till I'm really hungry. (OMG my poor heart!!!!) And now its only Noon and my whole body is done for.
WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING!!!!
Guys... I seriously was not paying attention or loving myself at all.
But in my defense, it was all a bunch of Bad Habits strung together. Like I was making my own jewelry of bad habits, and pearl by pearl is how it got made.
Ok then another real moment happened. My Uncle passed away (not the one who just did, another one.) At his funeral I looked around at the backyard feast and all there to consume it.
I'm not picking on my family... But it dawned on me as I sat there... a real "Aha" moment.... "Look at what everyone is eating!!!!!!!!!!!!" (Light bulb anyone?)
Why did I not see this before? Because I was a size 2? Because I worked out all the time that made me special that I don't have to pay attention to this? Is this just because I thought this was normal?
My uncle died of Lung Cancer, as did my Grandfather. So you hear CANCER and you see what it does to someone's body and you think... "Smoking is bad... I will never smoke."
So I never smoked. (My Grandfather was diagnosed when I was 8 and didn't pass away till I was 13... 5 years of seeing that shit will make you never touch a cigarette ever!!) But looking at food like it was waiting disease to happen?
You see someone who's over weight and wants to lose it, you think "You need to work out." ...... ohhhhhhhh and you need to eat better.
Wait???? Should I eat better?
After the Uncle's funeral... I started looking at food like Cigarettes.
"What will kill me faster?"
It wasn't an "over night-haul out the fridge-I'm going Vegan" moment... it was a "I'll buy this thing instead of this thing" "I'll choose that over that" "I'll make this and keep this prepped in the fridge in case I get hungry" "I'm gonna see how this taste's instead".
Instead of living in my comfort of "Knowing" how to make this over here... I started making some of this over Here...
Then this crazy ass thing started to happen... I felt better.
My taste buds started to change, my skin got clearer, my muscles started to show more, I felt more confident, more clear headed, less emotional.... ding ding ding... Eat better food, feel better Body!
Yeah rocket science I know... but wait... maybe it is.... for most of our mind sets. Cause now I go places... this is happening for a while... people have reactions to me....
"What are you doing?" "You're eyes are whiter." "You look so happy." "You seem so calm."
Hmmmmm..... I share.... "It's my eating.".... Them "Oh wow, I could never do that?"
Ok then you won't. (You said it not me.)
Back to me... more things are getting eliminated (once someone now in the family has developed diabetes from guess what... did you say food? Their own choices? Then you're right.)... Diary is leaving the shopping cart, Almond everything is in the fridge, clothes are hanging nicer... Now, people have something more to say. "Omg you look so great!" "What are you doing?" "What plan on you on?" Ok...
(Yeah there are baby bagels in there... I'm human and they're delicious!)
The reaction... "I love food way too much." "Oh my fat ass could never do that." "Oh you've gone Vegan haven't you." "I have to eat meat." "I need my wine."
Listen bitches... Do you think for one moment I do not eat meat, or do not drink wine, or have coffee, or eat cheese? Do you think I do not want to enjoy life?
Life is meant to be lived, and food is AMAZING!!! But all food is amazing...
That's three different restaurants... three different places... some just Veggie... some just fucking good food!!!!
Oh yeah... and meat... I make it and prep it and keep it around allllllll the time!!!!!
I'm not a good photographer... but there's some eaten meats!!!
Listen I don't only eat raw, or Vegan, or deny myself anything... (got a tattoo yesterday and they brought in donuts, who am I not to say I'll have one when offered. Helps with my blood sugar right???? haha I know.)
If you eat the donut... don't have any more sweets the rest of the day (I made Salmon Spinach Salad and Sweet Potato for dinner and it was fucking good!).. if you're hungry eat REAL food. Have chicken, have some eggs... Eat your eggs with Onions and Tomato (Root Chakra anyone?). Buy Brown Rice Pasta instead of regular Pasta... then when you're at Madeo, have the real shit. Don't have cheese on your sandwich, when you eat cheese eat the cheese that isn't super processed (I love American cheese... but I only eat that shit, cause it is shit, at my mom's house hahah). Use Mustard not Ketchup... Read the labels... If you need a snack don't have a snack pack, have fruit.
You see where I'm going?
Eating Veggies, cooking wth Cleaner ingredients, having a piece of fruit instead of a cookie... it only makes all the sense.
It's actually too easy to go to the Market and buy this over this... It's YOU! You're the person (or your habits/mind set) are the one making it hard.
If you didn't know better, that's fine.
But the problem is, once you know, then you're shit out of luck, because now you know.
Oh and the best part!!!!!!!! The "fuzzy" head, the "moods", the "lazy" feels... those don't happen (as much... we're all human).
Cause why? Your brain (you know the fucking mother board) has the fuel to run properly.
Try running a business with less employees and help and see how you feel?! ("Where the fuck is everybody???!!!!)
When you hold on to the "bad choices" because you don't think you're "enough"... this is when we have to look at start within.
Stop holding onto donuts and bread and cookies and shitty choices for your every meal thinking it's protecting you or you've earned it, and it's making you feel better.
I'm mean maybe in the mean time... but so does sex with a stranger... and then you wake up and they're still there. Or shots... You get it!
"It's too expensive?"... I'm sorry... Banana's are like 10cents, and a bag of Spinach is 2 bucks.
Those pills you're taking cost a lot more then my grocery list... I promise you.
You were born... there for you deserve life... and life needs to be supported by other life.
I didn't make that up... that's just fact.
You've earned the right to live it!
And thinking that this will help the feeling... It's only gonna stuff it down for now... and then... that shit will pop up later.
Or a hangover... or he'll keep coming into your job looking for your attention and then you have to say "I did this to myself." Or the doctor visit bills keep coming in.
Please choose to be the bad ass you are and know you are setting yourself up for success for whatever other shit gets thrown at you.
And its as simple as a trip to Trader Joe's.
Start by what SHIT you put in your body.
And if I can make better choices... then YOU for sure can.
You'll just like yourself more... and whats wrong with some self respect, money saved and an ass you like????
All my love to you all,