Doubting Your Dopeness
When I first moved to LA... I didn't know anything about the city.
I had some friends who lived about 30 mins south of the here and would hang with them in their hood. Drive into the Hollywood area and do the whole walk down Hollywood Blvd/Melrose thing. But never really knew LA before.
I figured it out... it took some time, but it happened.
Also, I never really applied for a job before living here (not a lie)... so I said, I can figure that out too.
As fate would have it, my first job ever in LA also happens to be the first one I applied for and the same job that still pays all my bills. (Crazy right).
Figured. It. Out.
Tonight, while at work... my Owner came in just to say hi.
I've known him for 7 plus years (crazy how time flies). He's the big hugs and lovin guy that means it. It's like an older brother. He knows how hard I've always worked for him and myself. So the hugs are real.
Let me tell you... This guy is ballin! He has multiple businesses in many areas and he does not sit still. He's a Boss. A self made/work your ass off/respectful Boss of a MAN!
A person who is a leader, someone who runs shit in his/her hood or city.
(I got really lucky meeting this person... or was it not luck? I'll get to that.)
One of Boss's latest moves is making jewelry. Not just a line of charity rubber bracelets (I'm not hating on Nike and Lance Armstrong but... you get it).... like colabos with Rolex... DAMN! Yeah. Boss. I told ya.
I had to tell him the latest piece looks amazing. Cause it does.
He looked at me and said "You need one Poole."
My first reaction was "Yeah sure right, like I could..." and then I saw his face. He saw what I was doing and had no time for that... I heard what I was saying and had no time for that either.
I rephrased... "You're right! I do need one." Is what I said back.
He pointed to his own head... "Mindset Poole."
YES!!!! Mindset.... Is... EVERYTHING!
He was right... what was I doing?????????
Let's back this up.... Did I just doubt my own capacity for my own dopeness?
A condition where an object, place, event, or person possesses and outwardly displays qualities that can be described as dope.
A word that describes something that is extremely cool, such as music, clothes, people, etc.
I think that's exactly what I was doing. Whoa. Where did that come from?
Ok there's a problem.
This stayed with me all night. Where else am I doing this?????
It's crazy how this brain of mine works... I'll explain that now.
Coming home from work, we all have the tendency to look through our social media accounts... (horrible habit I know).
But what fits with this situation... I saw that my friend, who has been traveling and working in so many different areas, is now in New York.
She was posting about a couple who she wanted to promote their speaking engagement.
My mind went like this...... YOU KNOW THEM???!!!! ARE YOU SERIOUS?????
You see... a couple years back, when again, I didn't realize, I was doubting my own dopeness... I was one of those people who went to the seminar and put the name tag on and sat next to people crying about how their kids hate them and their spouse wants a divorce. (Guys I told you, nothing to hide, and apparently my Dope-esteem was waaayyyyy down.)
I had some trauma in my childhood, so I figured I needed to sit down with these types of folk, and really figure out what my problem is for not moving forward in areas in my own life. Big mistake. Why? Because I didn't need to be there.
I understand my childhood. I have the best relationships with all my family members, cause we all talked that shit out. What my real problem in life was, I was allowing the "you're not doing enough" and "look how far they are ahead" comparison monster, aka my EGO, get to me. So I thought I needed to "work through" my issues. You know the ones I don't have anymore. But I bought into it. (Again, Dope-esteem waaayyyy down.)
In fact what was so fucked up, is that I was made to believe that I was so fucked up by these fucked up people (they harped on issues that really I didn't have, prying on your stories to get you to "think" their might be more, so you were confused and needed their guidence... Cult anyone?) so these fuckers could get more money out of me... soooooooo the opposite of dope. Fucked.
Why do I share this?
The moment I walked, decided not to continue with the "courses" (because I figured out I'm enough and I'm doing enough and this is my journey and everything is and will always be ok... ya know.... the goods. And they don't get my fuck bucks aka my time, money, and energy anymore... which they wanted to monopolize... guys I share this because well its what happened), was the moment of "Let's attack Lauren's dopeness and try to make her feel worthless campaign" started. Oh yeah... that happened. For weeks.
Guys... phone calls on top of phone calls, from people letting me know I'm a quitter, a loser, and I will never FULLY become my best self without them. Are. You. Fucking. Kidding. Me. Yeah that happened.
If I didn't know I was dope then... the dope egg had now been laid... and the Queens side of me was hatching out.
Like a fucking Phenix.
Simply put... this is how I ended the last call before blocking them all "If you don't like my answer, which is the only one I have for you, stop fucking calling me, because I'm not the one calling you."
It took a lot to get to that point... but I meant it.
Ok so my friend is promoting these dick heads... ok. Great.
So she's done the course. Oh God! Ok... why does this bother me? It doesn't really. She's doing fine... and if I ever find out those fuckers are saying to her.... You know, you know.
What bothers me is the idea... or the memory, that ANYONE would EVER doubt my DOPENESS. That Lauren doubted Lauren's dopeness.
"But Lauren you put yourself in that situation"
100%. I did. And I'm so happy I did. Because that will NEVER happen again. (Its a little embarrassing. But we all make mistakes. I learned.)
Ok one more side story and then I promise I'll tie all this together with a Dope Ass Bow.
About 8/9 years ago... before I moved to LA, I wanted to. So bad. Move to LA. For like ever.
Vegas is a stone's throw away from here. LA was my unicorn. The thing right there that seemed so unattainable.
I wasn't mad at my Vegas life, but I sure was bored of it.
I went to a friends birthday dinner. Another friend said she invited her friend who was a dancer living in LA. So friends where there hahah.
The LA dancer was a guy who I knew from doing a show together a few years before that. He always had swag. He knew his Dopeness. Always. You could see it the moment he walked in. (Funny how that makes someone the most attractive person in the room... hmmmm.)
I sat by him (to grill him... clearly.) I wanted to hear about his life. What he was doing.
His dope choices had landed him in some dope situations. So of course I thought this was part of the unicorn.
Wrong. He only understood then, what I'm understanding now....
I'll get to it.... hold on.
What he doesn't know, and what I never told him... was that that conversation was what lead me to finally ripping the band aid off and doing what I always wanted to do, but was so sure I could never.
The dope ass dancer looked at me and said "Lauren just go. You'll be fine."
He had so much dopeness spilling out of him that it spilled onto me. Like magic potion.
I still don't think he knows. Maybe I should tell him haha. (Just sent the DM... so now he knows. Done.)
He even had a story that night about his ex trying to come and see a performance he was doing. After this chick left him for really no reason and now wanted to be his friend, his words were "she doesn't deserve to come or be my friend." I mean Dopeness. He's right. She didn't. Cause dope people don't allow other people around who don't recognize their dopeness. Duh.
Ok... So... Boss... Assholes... and Dancer.
Here's where it comes all together.
The Dancer knew that we all can do anything. That everyone who keeps at it and tries will succeed. That's what he demonstrated, and that's what he encouraged others to do.
Lauren believed he had a "secret potion" that was given to her to do the thing she always had no problem doing which was "figuring it out and always being fine no matter what."
Lauren came to a city she didn't know, found herself around people like Boss/Owner, and worked her ass off to get all the things she wanted since she was 4. (I even got another 3 jobs just to get to know the city and see what other types of people were out there. GoGo/Barista/Door Host/Waitress is how I started out in LA... I mean right there, Dopeness). And Boss recognized that in her. Hence hugs.
Lauren didn't stop trying to know she could do more, be more, experience more, and strive for more.
Lauren was given gift after gift after gift from life once she started to realized its not a magic potion. Its Faith/Belief/Trust/Inner Guidance/Gut Instincts/Leaping/Trying.
Lauren inherited Dancer's knack for not letting anyone ever doubt how dope she is at getting it all done. And just like Dancer's Ex... Lauren told the Cult, you don't get to get my Fuck Bucks anymore. Bye! And Lauren has told more and more people BYE who don't recognize the dopeness.
And what Boss see's in Lauren is another step into Dopehood.
You can keep rising, and keep uplifting, and keep encouraging and not ever ask for anything in return. (Thanks Boss and Dancer... and I guess a thanks to the Cult too because... we have to be grateful... blah blah blah)
OK! SO.... There's no magic potion, or next level to pay for, or money before info.
There is Love, there is Give, there is Support, and there is the MINDSET of KNOWING..... YOU ARE DOPE!!!!!!!
Lauren realized just how DOPE she is. (FINALLY!)
And that old cult/childhood/ego whatever... when that starts forming words and coming out of your mouth and saying you don't deserve or will never have or ya know, a unicorn... thats when you stop.... rephrase, and say it again.
You say yes to the Rolex.
Cause you too deserve the Rolex in all your Dopeness.
Never doubt your dopeness.
Never doubt how dope the person next to you can be.
Spread that shit around. Its free.
Ok so the Dope lesson happened? Yes... you better know you're dope, or else... I'll tell you! I swear I'll do it!
All my love to you all,
P.S. If anyone doesn't think your dope... BYE!!!!! That's right. I got some blocked people they can call.