Ok.... so you know what's about to happen right?
Well if you didn't I'm about to tell you... (Hint: It's in the title)
It's time to talk about the vomit.
ITS THE TITLE OF THE POST!
Ok I'm not just gonna talk about puking (the whole time), I want to talk about what I figured out it represented.
What I figured out as the reason I did so. (Cause you know I had to figure that shit out. Who pukes for no reason?)
Let's start with the definition of:
(Verb)- rid (someone) of an unwanted feeling, memory, or condition, typically giving a sense of cathartic release.
(Noun)- an abrupt or violent removal of a group of people from an organization or place.
Oh..... well when you put it that way. Yeah... of course I puked.
After my night of we'll call it "release", (everyone poops and everyone pukes... I'm sorry but I'm not its just truth), and my two nights of comas... My mind and body felt safe enough to have some friends over.
Safe in a sense that I could hold an entire conversation and not sound like I was left behind a few grades. Cause I really couldn't think 100% straight for a moment... which is completely fine. I needed to get myself caught up with... Myself.
I explained to my two friends some recent events and they both went "ohhh... sounds like you released some bullshit you were holding inside."
And then the moment Oprah calls the "AH HA".....
"OMG!!!! That's totally why I puked!!!"
As if it wasn't clear as day to myself and the two set of eyes looking at me like "Duh Lauren."
Okay I'm gonna back it way way way up.
As a girl, a youngin, a little child... chaos was everywhere! People had feelings and emotions and lord knows I heard em and saw em.
What does a kid in this environment do?
You become the good girl.
I won't let my emotions get out of control. I will process them and speak them in a manner that will then allow me to be this person "That's ok"... the alright gal who says "I'm fine".
The problem isn't being in control of your emotions... thats cool... the issue is WHERE ARE YOU HOLDING THEM?
Now shouting, yelling, those are No Go's... for many reasons. But hahaha, they do expel the energy. So I'm not gonna say its great to do towards people... But I get it. Bbbuuuuuutttttttt I wasn't and ain't about to start doing that... like at all.
Now... The grown up Gal that I am...
I work out... meditate... read... journal... all thats great... But I noticed something, as most women do... My Power Source, ya know, My Tummy... it was off. Like way off. Like recent turn of events camped out there and would not leave.
Years ago, upset young Lolo... I would have turn to a good night of drinking, some shit talking, and even some bad guy spending the night diluting (I'm being honest). I would wake up the next day... call myself pathetic... put myself down, and cry and lay in bed all day because "the alcohol" made me do it all. Or even better yet "the person who hurt my feelings made me feel bad." And "fuck them." ???????????????
Some victim ass behavior right there huh.
Sure the alcohol tastes good, and yes it will make you a little out of it the next day and you'll feel emotional (its a depressant duh)... and maybe the night time buddy was a bad idea (but you had a good time... stop playin)... oh and the person who "hurt your feelings"... Why are you sad they're gone? (No like really... why was I ever sad someone who didn't care about me wasn't around???? Oh hind sight.)
OK this is a lot of info... how am I gonna tie it all in... Hold on, I got this. (The fingers type and the brain goes, and I go with it)
When you wake up the next morning and you feel like shit because of what "You" did to "YOU" (Because yes, you did it.)... You have a clear checklist of...
-Too many drinks... Leads to too many tears
-Sleeping in... Cause I stayed up to late
-Warm body... Cause I needed to feel wanted/loved/cared for... whatever
What happens when you grow up and don't do that anymore?
When you do the work, take care of yourself, make sure you're in touch with reality, and know that life is moving and acceptance is real.
You could simply purge, sleep it off, and allow your body to do what it does.... HEAL?
I guess that's where we're at huh. Yeah... it is!
Your emotions are beautiful. Knowing when not to say something, or having the balls to say it, or admitting they're hurt... Its awesome to be that in touch with yourself and not lie to the one person in your life that matters the most to you.... YOU. And honesty always good. Always.
Ok... now we got that.
Your body will help you respond to what it needs to do for IT!
No excuses needed. (And whats the excuse even for? Being Human?)
You don't need a rant or a drink or even a moment of self deprecation... you just need to wait. Hahahah it'll do it.
There's a part two to this.... to the good girl who is "Fine" and "OK".
I'm gonna tell you the truth... You are FINE, and You will be OK.... that's a guarantee.
But maybe not right NOW. And... that's... OK.
"What will that make me look like?" "Will I look too emotional? "
Will you look like a person who has feelings and emotions?
God I hope so!!!!
Your job is not to worry what being a human being looks like (That's already in you. And you ain't the only Human who's Being)... Your job is to take care of you, listen, and...yes... give the door guy a new list. (Have you read about my door guy?)
Shred the old one... make a new one.
You are a business and you need to do what you need to do in order to run that... (Club Lo is up and running again hahah).
Clean house (Even if its your own hahaha).
Except/Accept (I think they both work... ? Yes) that the trash NEEDS to be taken out... Not just thrown in the corner... And YOU, my friend, do not have any bags in your yard.
(Oh I'll talk about the yard next time.)
Give your body the down time it needs to clean out the SHIT it doesn't want. 😊😷😩👍🏼
All my love to you all,