Creating Your Own Space

When I was a little one, still in diapers, my mom said she would put me in my play pin and I was in heaven.

Alone, my own little world. Don't need no body. 

Cut to a few years later, we were fortunate enough to have a home that had what we called our "playroom".

Lucky for me my brother loved to be outside. 

Yes! Stay there 😝. 

This is alllll mine!

You bet I soaked this space up!

I created dance routines, I lined up my dolls as my co-stars, my tiny blue/yellow/red Sony Cassette player played the sweet sounds of Michael, Janet, Paula, and more Michael.

I thought I was on every TV show that was on at the moment with my main dogs (Blue Guy and White Gal.... my stuffed bear and cow). My own mini world of fun and play. It was heaven!!!!!

If anyone dare come into this space while I was in it,  I would shut down, stop, and wait. YOU GONNA LEAVE SOON???? (My family knew better not to bother me in my "work" space 😠... imagine a blond hair blue eyed Poltergeist looking kid giving you that look hahaha )... ok they're gone... unpause! Game back on.

This never stopped! Like ever. 

High school on (after the space was gone and I only had my stupid bedroom to call mine... horrible I know 🙄... life's tough kid) my bedroom was my work space.

My mom let me paint, and decorate, collage my closet doors, any poster I want on any wall. 

This is my space. My world. I'm creating it.

Thanks Mommy!!! ♥️

Flash forward... finding my own apartment. 

My Own Apartment!!! WWWHHHHAAATTTTTT!!!!

(Side note: after moving out of my family home, I was so fortunate to only live with two people at two separate times, who were both like sisters to me, and kept a safe home that was respected and shared. Ok I said all that... back to me. Disclaimer out of the way!)

But then... the time came... for MY OWN APARTMENT! 🙃🙂🙃🙂

I looked and looked and looked... fear came over me... I don't wanna leave my neighborhood, I don't wanna be on the top floor, I don't want people looking in, I don't wanna be in the front, I need hardwood to dance around on... I don't want it to look new and fresh. It's gotta have some history. 

Needless to say, in my mind, I had created a checklist of what I wanted out of my space that was to be called my own.

And seriously, just like that.... the apartment in the back, around the corner from where I was living, that was on the bottom (but not the real bottom because there's a parking garage), tucked away, and the windows face a wall of trees.... oh yes, that is right... my home, is the home that I've wanted since I was 4 years old. 

Private. Tucked away. Alone. 

(I literally took a nice cleansing breath out loud after writing those words.)

I even got the place a month early so I could paint it however I wanted. Dark, cozy, warm colors. (I don't do the bright, pastel, make you happy colors. No. Think old Italian dining restaurants. Dark woods, and red accents.)

When it all came together... my heart over flowed. 😍😍😍😍

Every single time someone comes in the door, they always say "I love your place" and every time they leave my mind goes "I get it all to me now." They left!!! (Anyone is welcome... I just get so happy to be alone! Seriously I do.)

You see, this world can get sooooooo uncomfortable. And that you have no control over... But what you do have control over is your own space. Your colors, your walls, your artwork, your choice.

I'm always baffled when people need someone around, or have to be in groups, or even have rotating roommates... I can not go out into this crazy, unpredictable world... and then come home to the same. Hell no. 

I remember dating B-Boys and they never knew who was in their living room. 6 guys to one home, and endless others coming over to practice. OMG. Seriously?! Girls I work with have roommates that bounce or don't pay their rent... and this is me.... 😳.

Or even people who want to have someone else do it for them? Don't you wanna earn that for yourself? (Totally a whole other issue.)

What is an issue at hand is money. Money is always an issue. Hell its the main issue of this world... I made a huge promise to myself that I would be the hardest worker (already explained this before) so that whatever was in my means to grab for myself I could do so. I grew up with the words "we can't afford it" so much in the vocabulary that I began to look at things I wanted as just that... not affordable.

Ok, how much does paint cost? Or a new candle scent? Flowers at Trader Joes? The color you pick for your towels? A comfy pillow? You get it. Those tiny little things that make it yours. 

My home, my comfort, my peace of mind... If I can afford myself that... You bet your ass I'm gonna do it. No pricetag on that. (Except maybe the couch time and meds you might need if you don't get it 😉).

That's even why these photos are in my home! Its a part of me. Showing how I choose to represent my inner being on the outside. 

Last night I came home after house sitting for a few nights.

(Gorgeous home, tucked away, I was all alone... perfect for me right? Yeah its my own staycation). But once I walked in the door to my own place and threw my bags down, it felt like a hug. I deep warm hug from someone who knows me so well. This is my bed, my heart, my soul. This feels home. (Don't even get me started on how comfy I've made my bed ♥️♥️♥️♥️)

Are there more things I want for it... Sure... is there more shit then I need at times... Yup. But this is my things and my shit. 💩

If you can do one thing for yourself... please make the decision to help YOU be the best version of YOU so that YOU can take on this world and anything it brings you. And you don't have to wait until you get the ONE home or the ONE paycheck... or even wait to find the ONE before you do so. (Because you're a horrible person and need to wait in limbo before ever being happy today??? If you buy into that then sure yeah... you wait. Or buy a book on self love and self esteem before you buy another drink with your buds please 🙏🏼)

Treat you to the comforts you deserve today.

You deserve the best!

All my love to you all,